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-Quick Jokes-
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was terrific.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".
Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, " A beer please, and one for the road."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last Saturday night... and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the croaft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
There was a person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and they name him "Ahmal" and the other goes to a family in Spain and named him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a pitcture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, the mother tells her husband she wishes to also see Ahmal. Her husband replies, "THEY'RE TWINS! If you've seen Juan you've seen Ahmal."
-Essential Workplace Vocabulary for 2006-
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussiong why something went wrong on the job and who's fault it was.
ADMINISHPERE: The orgainizational layers begining just above the rank and file. The Decisions that fall from the adminishpere normally make a job more complicated and less efficient.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get eaten at the end.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, computer generation's version of a coach potato.
SITCOMS: Sincle Income, Two children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
SWIPE-OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop wathcing them.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTANENCE: The art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where you go, ie. subdivision housing, fast food restaurants, strip malls...
OHNO-SECOND: That fraction of time, shorter than a nano-second, in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake. For example, hitting the delete button instead of the send button.
WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say:
10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
****D'jya Ever Wonder?****…
Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Why you never see the headlines “ Psychic Wins Lottery”?
Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
Why women can't put on mascara without opening their mouth?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a 'broker'?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called 'rush hour'?
Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
Why didn't swat those two mosquitoes on the Arc?
Why don't they make planes out of the same stuff the black box is
made of?
Why are they called 'apartments' when they are stuck together?
Why are airports called 'terminals' if flying is supposed to be safe?
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Buffalo's Home Improvement Contractor For Over 50 Years.
For the convenience of our neighbors in Hamburg and other residence of the Southern Tier, contact our LAKE HOME IMPROVEMENT branch at 648-5253.
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